Whether most women want to admit this or not,  they have probably had a horrible relationship with food at least once in their lives,  if not on-going in their life.  Whether it’s abused to numb pain, fill a void or restricted in some way in order to gain control, it’s self-destructive behaviour nonetheless. When these very emotional behaviours become chronic, it can get dangerous and eventually this obsession or addiction can take over ones life.

Unfortunately, I too was a victim of this at one point in my life. I had spent my entire life extremely active in dance and ate whatever I wanted to without ever worrying about my weight. Yet, in my very early and confused 20’s I figured maybe I wouldn’t get away with that anymore. I thought if I ever stopped dancing I wouldn’t be able to eat whatever I wanted and so I should probably “get healthy” and start watching everything I ate.  Sadly, I spent an entire year of my life completely obsessed with calories (not nutrition).  The only thing on my mind was what I was going to eat that day and if I could stay within my unrealistic low-caloric range. This extreme way of living made me ill pretty quickly.  Apart from losing unnecessary weight, I felt completely depressed because I began detaching myself from social gatherings and wasn’t enjoying much of anything, let alone food anymore.

When I finally consulted with a Nutritionist, she made me understand that I was really only hurting myself, not making myself healthier.  She also made me realize that my obsession had absolutely nothing to do with food or my weight, but more so with wanting control of my life at the time!  Like most young people, I found what path to take in life pretty daunting and overwhelming and so that was my way of being in control.  I now look back in awe of what I put myself through. Even though it was so long ago, it’s a time in my life I’ll never forget.  I regret not having spoken to a professional sooner, and wasting so much of my energy and time into something I should have never been focusing on whatsoever! I’m both lucky and thankful I got to the root of it and got myself back to normalcy.

Any type of eating disorder comes from the mind. I place eating disorders in the mental illness category as they usually coincide. The can either derive from or often bring on depression and anxiety.  Some are more severe than others for sure, but people can carry this with them for a lifetime.  Regardless, disorders of any kind always stem from something deeper.  Once that’s figured out, there’s a better understanding as to why so many women have the habits that they do.  In some individuals there are obvious physical signs, while in others they are so well hidden. Whether you’re restricting, bingeing, counting calories or over-exercising etc, it’s a bad place to be in and not a healthy way to live.

It saddens me to see both young people who suffer with this as well as mature women who continue to go through life in this negative state of self. In order to change your habits, you must change your thoughts. Coming to terms with something you’ve deemed as normal for so long can feel scary, but realize that you are the only person responsible and in charge of your life. Admitting you need help is always the first step.

Overcoming that difficult phase of my life was truly life altering. It tested my strength in ways I never imagined and it helped me grow as a person. It also sparked a keen interest in studying and understanding nutrition. Realizing that too much control can be damaging, made me see how much opportunity for happiness I was denying myself of.  Sometimes the only thing we think we CAN control is what we eat, but while eating healthy is good, obsession is most definitely not. There is so much more to life than putting all your energy into tormenting yourself with guilt over every bite!

What I learned most from my experience was finally understanding the meaning of balance and following my own version of it. It has taken me years to become confident in that alone.  I LOVE food, my culture celebrates it, but I really had to learn how to nourish myself properly and how to indulge without guilt. Since then, I’ve actually never looked at the calorie content of any food. I’ve focused on the ingredients and that’s made the most sense for me. I really began to listen to my body, and feed it what it wants.  I eat intuitively and don’t have a smoothie because everyone says it’s healthy, or skip the dessert (if I really want to indulge in it) because who knows how many calories it may be….In the moment, I eat what’s best for me, my body, my palette and my lifestyle. Most of all I eat guilt-free!

My heart goes out to any person suffering from minor disordered eating or a very serious eating disorder. For me, it’s important to use this social platform as a way to help, teach or inspire others to live healthier lives. My background and experiences has helped me to understand and access my clients one-on-one much easier.  My goal is really to help people change their perception of themselves so that a real lifestyle switch is made and the better food choices simply follow.  It’s impossible to truly love your body without having a healthy mind or having any true love and appreciation for yourself.  I hope that if anyone reading this is suffering, they have the strength and courage to make the decison to get help and begin change.  Everyone deserves to live life happily and enjoy every bite!